There in the park she sat so quiet they had said that she was. You could not look at her what had happened the week before. Her legs were in the lotus position and the eyes in the thin face looked down on the grass. I did not know if I should disturb her peace, but this peace was probably just an illusion. Her feelings for what happened then, when her life changed forever slumbered easily under the calm surface. My mother said that when the choke comes into effect is all the emotions out of play and they become unmanageable. When mother and I heard of the terrible news, we let the eyes' salty fluid to drain for a while. Shortly after the stunning attacked and left both of us speechless. The silence was broken when Shimon came into the kitchen. The news also made him vulnerable.
Nobody could really understand that Elsbeth, my parents' Elsbeth, Victoria's Elsbeth and my sister Elsbeth, was not here anymore. The nicest girl I've ever gotten to know just disappeared. The sister whom all deserved to have as their own. I felt like the world's fair was no longer there. Who would allow this terrible fate? Elsbeth was too young to go away. Annihilated by a person whose eyes were somewhere else than looking through the windshield. How could fate just create this? The driver decided after all to stop, according to police, his remorse was great. I understand him; to bear the burden of death must be really heavy.
My step toward the girl in the park was very cautious for my knowledge of her emotional state was very poor. During the quarter, I tried to gather the courage to convey my message in the park's edge, she had not moved at all. It was like her and a thousand pair of eyes had already seen me and understood my presence. The closer I got, the long hair seemed to cling tighter around the girl's face. The wind grabbed her hair and the closed eyes were exposed. Behind me were laughing children and the playfulness gave me new courage. Before long I was there at the fragile creature who sat on the grass. Her calm exterior was really weird, was she really alive? There was not much that could confirm that the girl was a living thing. Only the lotus position proved she was alive. I felt so rude if I would try to talk to her, what if it was just a doll!
"Excuse me ...," I said awkwardly, and only later realized how pushy I must have been. When the words uttered, I received no response from the girl. Now, I became even more concerned about my previous concerns. An attempt more, I would make I persuaded myself. Now it was the name that would be used, I decided. That should get the girl to react if there was a girl.
"Is it you who is Alexandra Kyonosamura?" I asked tentatively. First, I got no response, but then heard a friendly voice.
"Yes I am. Do I know you, sir?" Now I was really sweaty for even though his voice seemed to be right next to me I saw no lip movements from the girl. I tried to make my errand more quickly so that the girl would not discover my shock. She must have laughed at me inside at my failed attempts to hide the emotions.
"Y-you d-did know Elsbeth right?" I stammered out before I chose to sit down beside the girl. The answer I got was again in the friendly tone of voice, I was able to discern a slight upset undertone. Again there were no movements on the lips
"You're not crazy, stranger. It's just ventriloquism, nothing strange at all." Alexandra rose off one of her index fingers and did let it point to her own body. The finger slid down again and she continued the ventriloquism.
"To answer your question, yes, I knew her. Tell me what you want, my dear stranger. I will listen to what you have to say." She let her legs slip out of the lotus position and turned to me. Her slender hands took hold of my hand and embraced it. The until now so expressionless face smiled at me now, I noticed. The eyes, however, were still closed at least visibly. This girl was really weird!
"I am the brother of Elly and I went to see you at our parents' request. They wanted to announce that the funeral of Elly will be on Sunday next week. At three sharp. They want you to attend. It was all I had to say." Alexandra thanked for this information with a bow and said that of course she will participate. When I am about to get myself up the small hands still clasp my hand. Although the grip is weak, I understand what she wants.
"Please stay with me for a while. I can see that you can be here a while longer. Please?" Her eyes are open and also the mouth when it is said, but her voice is very dilute as she is about to fade away. I nod and sit down comfortably in the grass next to the girl. There we sat for at least three quarters of an hour. If you knew how surprised I am that my mind was able to keep me for so long. It was probably due to the feelings of calm Alexandra created in me when she talked about the beauty of nature. Of course it was through ventriloquism in case you thought otherwise. I chose to never ask why she preferred to speak in that way.
When the young Alexandra got up I did not know how much time had slipped by. I followed her example and only then I noticed how tiny she actually was. It was hard to believe that the girl in front of me was fourteen. It looked like she did not even have come into puberty, but I knew it, she must have done. Within the human being I've known in less than an hour there was a sadness that we both shared.
"I'll go now. Thanks so much for company, "she said absently, and then she threw herself around me in a tight hug. How would I react to this? I thought perplexed. I chose to answer the hug, of course not as hard. The little creature that had wrapped itself around me seemed to be as fragile as porcelain. She released me from her grip pushed something into my palm. Before my eyes could see what it was she gesticulated to me to bend down. At first I was hesitant and then did what she asked for.
"Please come to me little more than an hour before the funeral. Please, "she whispered in my ear in a very tentative fashion. When the girl said this, I was surprised to say the least. I wondered why I would come home to her. I was a grown man and she was just a girl barely into her teens. When I asked why it would be the girl whined pitifully and then answered the question.
"I just want to have someone with me who share the grief I carry inside." Again, I got the staring eyes she gave me when she asked me to sit down. An ambiguous answer, I thought, despite it, I let myself be convinced. Now got a cat-like smile from Alexandra and she hopped away. I looked down into the palm of my hand and there lay a piece of paper with phone numbers and an address. Alexandra's address!
The errand was done and I could go home. I could not let it go of what the girl had asked of me. When my steps wandered out of the park, it was a motorcycle next to the sidewalk. It was just a regular Harley Davidson, but then I saw who was sitting on it. The driver was a red-haired man I never way before. Behind him sat a little girl who waved at me. It was Alexandra! The man was definitely not her dad, I can promise. She apparently liked to be in adult male company, I thought while I lazily waved back. When she disappeared, I decided that I would not disappoint the curious girl.
It was almost half past one when I managed to find a free parking space in the fashionable district that Alexandra lived in. It seemed that too many eyes had been directed against me and my rusty old car. You have no idea how embarrassed I felt when I walked around there in the upper class estates. Also thought it was a strange area for a girl like Alexandra to stay. Too classy for the nature child Alexandra, at least she had given me that impression.
Quickly I found a house that was surrounded by a high hedge, and inside a huge garden. The digit on the mailbox proved that I had to come to the right. It was not a gate that prevented me from going into the garden so I started walking along the cobbled time. The clock struck exactly half past one when I rang the bell next door. When the door was opened the man who opened the door looked at me from head to toe. He did it twice before he asked what I wanted.
"I searched for Alexandra, she is at home?" I replied with blushing cheeks. The gray eyes showed a certain irritation, but then he muttered that the one I was looking for was sitting in the library. With his short finger he pointed to the left, and added that I would go upstairs immediately thereafter. I thanked for the information and started going after the man's instructions. When I arrived upstairs, I went through a mahogany door and saw that I was now in the library.
What a huge library, and the quantity of books that it contained! At a table near the window sat a person that could only be Alexandra. The girl pushed back her chair and came towards me. I was to say the least surprised when I saw what she was wearing today. It was a huge dress all in black that covered her entire body except for lower arms and head. All in all, it reminded more of a raven's feathering than anything created by human hands. Her hair was loose when I met Alexandra first time, but it was now in a strange styling, I cannot describe. The hairstyle was not in any case a playful style; it was rather very strict and gave a subdued appearance. The shoes were impossible to see because that the dress went down to the floor. The forearms and hands as the dress did not cover was not exposed, they had Alexandra covered with gloves made of opaque velvet, also in black. There could be no mistaking that this girl would be at the funeral.
"I'm so glad you came!" She said with relief rather than joy and hugged me. She got the hug back while I thought we hardly knew each other at all. Yet the girl behaved like she had known me for a long time. She asked me to sit down across from her at the table she was reading.
"What's your name anyway?" She asked after a while. I knew that question would come sooner or later, so I answered it.
"Roberto was the name. Nice dress by the way," I replied, regretting that I said that last one because she gave me a worried look. At first she said nothing, she just looked at me. Just before I could apologize for my pushiness, she began talking with her tender voice.
"You think so?" - She actually looked a little sad - "This is just something I did last year, found nothing better to wear for the occasion," she said modestly. I sat close to the tea she gave me in the wrong way. Had she really sewed that dress herself?!
"Excuse me, Alexandra. Do you really mean that you sewed what you wear on your own? It is really beautiful," I replied in surprise. The girl nodded shyly and said a thank you to answer. Without her noticing I glanced at the book she had in her hands. It was a rather small book, but the title was devastating to say the least. "The world view of the schizophrenic psyche" it said in red letters on the back. What a strange book for a girl like Alexandra, I thought, but refrained from comment. My fears that the girl was interested in me had almost disappeared when it showed up in my head again. It did not seem that she was because she just sat there with the book in one hand and a teacup in the other. Yet Alexandra treated me as someone who meant a lot to her. She was really strange, yet so friendly.
"Excuse me, but what do you want from me anyway? You seem to be both interested in me, and absent at the same time." Oh so Typical, I thought, to ask the girl like that abrupt was not so friendly. Instead of tears or other signs that she had been hurt, she began to laugh. It was an odd laugh, but it was not a forced laugh.
"Obviously, I'm curious about you, Roberto, but not in the way you think. It was a bit surprising that Elly's parents did not mention it," then she smiled quietly. Now I was even more puzzled what did she mean with "it" and "curious but not what you think." I thought I might as well ask now that she seemed to be in a good mood.
"Now I do not understand what you mean. Can you explain?" Alexandra continued to smile and took a sip of tea.
"I am lesbian," she said without hesitation. I must have looked ridiculous to say the least when the girl said it and she went on.
"Elly was my girlfriend. During my farewell to Elly, I wanted to talk to someone who actually understands my grief. Then I just wanted to know more about you because I do not know you so well. Come on, do not look like you stuck your fingers in the cookie jar, you have not done anything wrong. "
"Okay then. Sorry, I feel so silly that I'd think you were in love with me. I'm so sorry, "I replied piteously. In reply, the girl said that she was not ashamed of her homosexuality; the misunderstanding was only funny in her eyes, and absolutely nothing to dwell on. Naturally, I felt pretty happy when we had it sorted out. My concern was that vanished with the wind and it was apparent on Alexandra. Shortly after she let her eyes drift down on an old watch that was sitting on the narrow wrist. If it were not for the white clock face, it would probably not be noticed. When she looked up again she said that we should take us to the funeral. It was already twenty past two and it would take a while to go to the place of burial. I agreed with what she said and waited for her to stand up. Now the girl took something large from the table that turned out to be a strange hat, a hat that only strengthened her resemblance to an overgrown raven. It was, after all beautiful and I had learned not to be surprised by this girl's taste.
When we started walking down the stairs, I asked if had made even the hat itself. Yes, she had done most garments she owned she had madeherself. It was not just a fun hobby but also something constructive. By now had arrived at my car and we were able to get to the funeral.
"I think I like you. You seem to understand that homosexuality is not something strange or wrong. It's not all who does that," said Alexandra quite spontaneously when we sat in the car. The opinion came a bit suddenly, so I did not know what she wanted as answer.
"H-how could you see that?" I asked. Again, a tricky smile on her lips.
"I see it on your body language. After all the harassment by homophobes, it is easy to see what attitude people have toward people like me." I do not know if it was actually a good thing, considering how she got the experience. I could not help but get angry at people who hurt the most innocent girl, Alexandra. However, I said nothing and she did not want to have an answer either.
Quarter to three, we arrived at the crematorium. I knew that in the porch to the crematorium next to my relatives were already waiting. On the other hand was very sceptical that any of Alexandra's friends were there. When I stepped out and began to help the girl out of the car I saw a glimpse of her shoes. Do not misunderstand me now, I am not perverse, this girl just fascinated me a lot. There were a couple of ballet shoes that framed black opaque tights. I had thought about it before, but now it became really apparent. Alexandra appeared as the chastity personified. In addition to the hair that was stuck in the back only the face was exposed of her body. The dress that seemed tight in some places did not serve to highlight some features in addition to the almost morbidly skinny body. I do not think Alexandra was proud to be so thin; it was just as she looked.
We went into the porch and got a warm welcome from my relatives. Mother and Father were of course happy to see me again, they were also unusually happy when they met Alexandra. Unusual in the way that I never experienced when they met her before. They treated her like a daughter or a very dear cousin of mine, and Elsbeth.
"Oh, Alexandra! We knew you would come, "cried father and lifted the little girl in the air and then hugged her. No one commented on her dress and all seemed well aware of her. My grandmother walked around the porch and handed out the lilies to all who had gathered, the lilies were according grandmother a symbol of how death was an inevitable part of life. She had explained when Mieszco, my grandfather, was buried in Gdansk. Elsbeth's funeral was certainly not Catholic, but it was still a nice gesture.
After we had our lilies, we went on a two-step through the park and walked into the small crematorium. The building was not a religious site; it had been made so that anyone regardless of religious confession could feel at home. A bit like a church, it was after all with the parallel rows of benches and podium up front. In the middle of the podium was a white coffin, Elsbeth coffin, around it were flowers in large vases placed. Beside the low three black guitars I did not really understand the use of. Everyone except my father sat down. There, right in front of the coffin he stood and made his introductory speech. That we all liked Elsbeth in any way and that she will always be missed and now we would listen to anything that would make her remembered.
My father stepped down from the podium and gave way to Alexandra and two of my cousins. The troika took hold in separate guitars and sat down on podium floor. It was silent for a few minutes and then it started! The instruments sounds flowed out of the stone building like a tidal wave with their hypnotic harmonies and powerful drones. I had never before had I heard anything like it and it seemed that Alexandra orchestrated the whole thing. The piece was played in a quarter, but there was no one who was bored of the very emotional performance. The musicians stepped down from the podium and the next phase could begin.
My parents had decided that anyone who wanted could get a hold acceptance speech to Elsbeth. There required not be longer than ten minutes, however. Not surprisingly, most had something to say. After me it was my newfound friend Alexandra's turn. With the usual neat little steps she stepped to the podium. There, she got the microphone from me because I saw at once that she would not reach the pulpit. The girl cleared her throat and then let the words run.
"Beloved Elsbeth, you came to me one time when I did not know where I belonged. The school was full of people who did not understand me and made me a laughing stock. At home I was not secure either; even those who should be trusted revealed their deceit. The only refuge was to hide for anyone who did not understand. It did not solve everything so even then I was not safe. Then did you came like a saving soul and gave me hope and courage. Almost only you understood me, and so it is especially difficult for you to leave us all too soon. You will always ..., "Alexandra stopped worryingly, soon after began at first small glistening drops appeared on her cheeks. Then the tears began to pour from the blue-green eyes.
"It's not fair!" Alexandra groaned and fell sideways on the floor. The entire congregation gasped in horror, I and Nathan ran to the spot where the girl fell. We got her up so she was sitting. The tears flowed and she still seemed quite broken.
"Why should the two I have treasured the most, disappear like this?" She sobbed out, and then she stopped talking. I help her to get to the benches and when she had calmed down somewhat the next speaker took over and the funeral was in a quarter to its end. One thing was certainly sure at this point. Our lives would be changed forever.
I might add more parts in this story but I am not sure.
